Thursday, June 26, 2008

Schlabach's List is Borderline Non-sensical

Mark Schlabach has a column ranking the top 25 teams in the country and I think It stinks. Ok, I don't have a problem with 1-5 (Bulldogs, Buckeyes, Sooners, Trojans, Gators). But a retarded chimp could've put those five together. I shall now point out his most glaring errors.

WVU is at #7. Look, the Mountaineers were a very good team last year but they still lost two conference games in the Big East. Also, they lose key components on the offensive side of the ball including the coach who rebuilt the program into a national power. Top 25? Yes. Top ten? no.

Texas Tech is at #8. How the fuck do you figure? They weren't that great in '07. and now they have no idea who is going to play tailback. Look, they aren't terrible but I don't see them as top ten material.

Pitt is at #19 and this is completely unacceptable. Pitt gave up 24.3 points a game last year while only scoring 22.8 points a game. PLUS, schlabach acknowledges that their leading receiver is ineligible for '08, so, how is the scoring differential going to improve? It isn't. The Panthers aren't a top 25 team.

Notre Dame is at #25. The Irish were the worst team in football last year. The defense was bad and the offense was down right terrible. How do you go from the 119th team in football to #25 in a matter of months? The answer is that you don't. The Irish should consider 6-6 as a very positive season. Dude, I know you want people to read this column, however, pandering to the Irish is not the way to do it.



boilerdowd said...

Screw ESPN and the blue and gold horse they ride!

jd said...

schlabach has a nephew name joe. when joe was 6, he decided to see if he could fly by jumping off the roof. into traffic. because uncle mark said, "airbags are for quitters". joe (now known as 'slow-joe' by the taunting neighborhood kids) ain't been right since then*.

besides killing small animals, joe doesn't get much joy out of life. once in awhile, mark is guilted into letting joe ghost write an article for him. usually it is during the doldrums of the football year, that awful span covering june-july, because nothing matters during this time.

mark has to watch over joe when joe is writing these kind of articles. joe can't control his hate, and takes to head-butting the screen when the words don't come out right**. mark usually provides rum to joe, because whiskey only made it worse***.

the result is the linked rankings.

*joe became a notre dame fan after the accident
**ok, that's what i do
***whiskey makes everything better

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure if you are interested in real facts or not but in case you are, here goes:

Pitt's leading receiver from '07 (Turner) is back and so too is their leading receiver from the '06 season (Kinder). Pitt's third receiver is TJ Porter and he too is back. Additionally, Jonathan Baldwin is now on campus and he is probably the most talented receiver of the bunch.

Maurice Williams is the receiver who is leaving Pitt and last year as a freshman he had five receptions for 100 yards last year.

Also, Pitt gets back its best DL from the '06 team (Mustakas), its starting LT (Pinkston) and its starting QB (Stull) who also missed all of the '07 season.

I have no idea whether or not Pitt is a top 25 team. However, it is pretty clear that neither do you.

Paterno Lives! said...

they were also 3-7 last year.

JB said...


I would like to point out that you aren't looking at reality. The defense you trumpet gave up over 24 pts a game last year, something you leave out of your post. Turner led the team in receiving with under 500 yds and 5 TDs. Also, he only averaged under 14 yds/catch. Hardly a big threat.

I have no idea how good Kinder will be as he hasn't played a down in over a year. Though I will concede that his stats for 2006 look good.

Porter is clearly not a threat whatsoever as he averaged under 10 yards a catch and didn't catch a touchdown pass all year.

Stull may be your best QB but he has only thrown 28 passes in college. He might be great but I don't think you should hang your hat on his excellence.

Fact is, Pitt is not a top 25 team in my opinion. Feel free to call me a moron when they have doubled their wins from last year and gone 6-7.