Monday, June 08, 2009

Buckeye Hates My Satellite Dish

Mrs. GOOS and I recently bought a house. Last Monday, I took the whole day off of work to host the bevy of installations that need to occur whenever you move into a new house (internet, cable, etc.). The Direct TV guy shows up and initially informs me that he doesn't see a good spot to put my brand new hidef satellite dish. The house is surrounded by trees and he doesn't see a good spot to bolt it to the roof. Well, we take a walk around the property and he discovers that an older satellite dish was mounted on a post around the side of the house and it had a perfect window to the southwestern sky so as to obtain crystal clear hi-def entertainment. Awesome. All he has to do is sink a new pole and mount the HD Dish because the old post was to small to support the HD Dish. No Problem. He hooks it up delivering me tasty HD sports a mere two hours later.

Well, the next day I'm out working in the yard when I see this ghoulish looking old bastard coming right for me from the front of my property. He says hello and tells me that he is my neighbor. More specifically, he lives across the pond (our house sits on a pond) and is really upset because the new dish is ruining his "view". Now, the dish sits on our property, and is probably about ten feet away from the side of our house. It is also directly in line with the old dish and post which has been there for what appears to be quite a while. He goes on to explain that merely being able to see this dish ruins his view and has upset him to the point that he has to descend upon me from across the pond in order to try to get me to take the dish down. I tried to explain to him that there has always been a dish here and I know that it this dish is a bit bigger but it is mounted on our property and is not hanging out in front yard obscuring his view of the pond or the golf course but just that he can merely see it and that regardless of whether I moved it or not he would always be able to see the dish.

After coming over to scold me about my awesome new dish he sees that I am wearing a Penn State T-Shirt. "Penn State, huh?" The ghoul mutters. "Yup, class of 2002" I respond. "Oh, that is good. I'm a Big Ten fan myself." The ghoul replies. "I'm a big Ohio State fan." A silence hung heavy in the air between us. I think to myself, of course you are you feckless douche. You hate all things that are good and holy, including, sweet HD sports!

So you see, I now live next to a giant turd. Hooray!



jd said...

perfect oppurtunity for a good ol' fashioned shootout.

" the tensioned thickenned between us, the old man's eyes darted back and forth crazily. he then made the mistake of reaching for his weapon.

he was fast. i was faster. and now he's dead. i buried him 'neath the new satellite dish."

JIMPSU said...

They should make OSU fans register with the local police. Like Meagans Law for Bucknuts.